I’ve been compelled to write about something that has been coming up a lot lately with my beautiful coaching clients. Almost all of them are craving (and I mean really craving) this one thing… Friendships. Authentic, supportive, effortless female friendships. The kind where you feel understood, held and like you just belong. Friendships that are encouraging, uplifting and inspiring. None of this draining, exhausting, fake-friends business either – no, I’m talking about true friends.
As we get older, our interests and passions can start to change and evolve. Friendships quite often drift apart as a natural progression of people changing or moving away. It’s very normal, but it can also be sad and lonely. Beautiful, strong friendships is something that everyone wants in their lives – but making new friends as an adult can be hard sometimes!
So how can you call in some of these soul-sister-like friendships into your life and find those people who “just get us”?
+ Try new things, go new places
It really doesn’t get any more obvious than this, but you need to ‘put yourself out there’. By starting to do the things that you really love to do, as well as trying new things (think about what you’ve been wanting to try forever – yep THAT!), you’ll be surrounded by people who share similar interests to you. So what are you waiting for? Join a group, take a class, sign up for a course – whatever you need to do to put yourself out there and enjoy doing the things that light you up and bring you joy.
+ Just be you
When you’re looking to make new friends, you really need to be authentic. Just by being your true, authentic self, and showing up as who you are (warts and all!) you will attract the right people into your life. When you try to be someone else, you’re drawing in the wrong crowd for you. And be prepared – you’re not going to win everyone over and not everyone is going to like you. But that’s totally fine, it just means that they aren’t the right people for you anyway. You just need to show up as yourself and be unapologetic about it! How easy is that?! It will take up so much less energy than trying to pretend and keep up a charade.
+ Connection is a clue
If you feel a pull towards a certain person, be bold and make the first move! If you keep bumping into the same person, because they are frequenting the same places as you, it’s pretty safe to say you probably have a fair bit it common with them. So if you feel that there is a connection there and you think it’s possible that they could become a good friend, listen to your intuition, be brave, swallow your pride and reach out! Introduce yourself, start up a conversation, ask them to catch up for a cuppa/lunch/playdate with the kids/a girly movie. – whatever – and just see what happens. Yes, it’s scary. Uncomfortable, without a doubt. But you’ve got nothing to lose and who knows, maybe a beautiful friendship to gain. Extend an invitation (send that text you’ve been too shy to send!) because nearly everyone loves being invited to things – you do, don’t you?
+ Create space
In order to call new friends into your life, you need to make room for them. This means saying no to toxic friendships and spending less of your precious time and energy on the people who are draining you. You know the people who I’m talking about. They’re the ones who are always negative, bring you down, use you, or rain on your parade. Maybe they don’t believe in you, they aren’t supportive or it’s always ‘all about them’. If you keep spending time with the people who drag you down, you’re not opening up the space for inviting new people to come in AND you’re sending out the message that you don’t need any new friends.
+ Consistency is key
It’s important to remember that friendships (like any relationship for that matter) take work and don’t develop overnight. Nothing will eventuate unless you nurture it and have consistent contact. Choosing an activity that is reoccurring is a great way of ensuring that there is that consistent connection. Maybe a weekly class, a monthly book club or even catching up to watch a weekly TV show together. Scheduling regular catch up’s will give your friendship a chance to bloom and flourish.
Jim Rohn famously said “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with”. So who are the 5 most prominent adults in your life? Who do you spend most of your time with? Do these people light you up, encourage and inspire you? Or are these relationships exhausting and soul-destroying?
Life is too short to not surround yourself with loving, inspiring people who love and respect you just the way you are, agree?
I’d like to get a bit workshop-y with you now so grab your journal or piece of paper and ask yourself the following questions…
Who do you already know that you would like to make more of a connection with?
What can you do to start building a relationship with this person? How can you take action today?
I really hope that this post resonated with you and has given you the confidence to be brave and reach out. I’d love to hear from you in the comments below. What are your thoughts on female friendships? Do you have any tips to share with my lovely readers?
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